I Need a Wife

workingmomAbout two years a mom of two in my office raved to me in the hallway about how she had recently bought a Groupon for a professional organizer and that it had changed her life.  A married male colleague with three children and a stay at home wife overheard our conversation and with an amused smile on his face asked what the heck a professional organizer was.  I replied, “Oh, you call her your wife.”

Look, I have one of the best husbands on the planet.  My friends envy all he does for me. He does the food shopping (he claims I just screw it up and he’s got a point), he does the yard work, he splits laundry duty, he covers getting the kids ready and to school in the morning, and truthfully though I cover the kids in the evening after work I tend to have at least a couple of events per week so he covers those days for me.  But we both work full time so you know the drill:  we are stretched to the max.

So occasionally I escape to my fantasy life, and in it I have created a vision of my perfect stay at home wife.  Unlike in a man’s fantasy life my wife doesn’t do anything sexual (sorry, boys).  But she does all of the crap housework so my husband, children and I have more time together.  She makes all my children’s birthday parties and dinner parties Pinterest worthy.  She walks my dogs regularly so that my fat-ass 141 pound dog can finally shed his “I swallowed a pony-keg” look.  She loves my children as much as I do so I never worry that she will do anything less than the absolute right and loving thing when she is with my children.  She understands the common core curriculum (someone in the house should) and helps the children with all their homework and tutors them when they needs some extra help making all A’s at school.  She gets the children to all of their after school practices and when she does they always have enough cold water, sunscreen, and the correct athletic equipment.  She would never send to practice without having fed them a well-balanced meal.  Our organic, dairy-free, delicious dinners are on the table every night so we can enjoy a meal at our dining room table and discuss our day.  She is very funny and witty and we are best friends. But she is so much more than my best friend.  She’s like my mom, my grandmother, my sister-in law Candy (who always takes care of me), and my best girlfriends all rolled into one being.  She just want the best for me.  She is the best wife ever.

But as I watch a tumbleweed sized ball of dog hair roll across my floor, and I hear my boys fighting in the other room, and the door slams shut as my husband walks back in with the groceries that I will now have to put away (thank you again for shopping, honey) I smile wistfully and embrace the craziness and chaos that is being a working mom.

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