Is Daddy Doin’ Work A Turn Off?

Have you ever had one of those moments when someone says something so crazy it feels like they just told you they sky is in fact green not blue? And they totally believe it. And they are pissed you don’t agree? You’re like, “Is my name Alice and have I just fallen down a rabbit hole?”

Okay, so I had that experience two weeks ago while taping the nationally syndicated Katie Couric Show so it was extra trippy.

My husband and I had been asked to be on the show as an example of a family where the mom is the breadwinners. We were there to give color to the recently released Working Mother Research report that had found that most breadwinning moms are in that position accidentally not through conscious planning. And further, most of us are miserable because there is often no division of labor at home. I luckily fall only partially in the first group and not at all in the second.

Our five minutes of fame on the show came after they brought in a sex therapist, Ian Kerner, to give tips as to how to manage through these challenges. But what he said instead brings me to my “sky is green” moment.

He said, on national tv – God as my witness, because I can’t make this stuff up – that women don’t find men who do more housework sexually appealing. Yes, you read that correctly. And let me be clear, this man is no idiot. He has a PhD, has written three books about sex, he is New York Times best-selling author, has been on numerous talk shows, and cited in dozens of articles as an expert.

So the only logical conclusion is that there really is a secret society of men who meet nightly in their man caves, have their own secret handshake, and carry man cards at all times. This powerful underground society must have gotten to Ian Kerner either by threatening to actually revoke his man card or paying him handsomely (in my mind with briefcases of unmarked bills, eighteen year single malt scotch, and Cuban cigars).

I have to say, I was so taken off guard by the statement that women don’t find men who do more housework sexually appealing that I didn’t have a very good or well-reasoned argument to counter his claim. In fact I’m pretty sure I said something mature, like the women his research is based on are crazy. Yes, I went there. On national T.V. which you can witness for yourself this Thursday on your local ABC affiliate http://katiecouric.com/2014/03/06/breadwinning-moms-2/ #Katie. It will be epic.

What I now wish I had said is something along the lines: It is not the housework that is the real gift. The real gift is the TIME that our husbands and partners give to us when they share in the household duties. When we don’t have to spend two hours on the laundry that leaves us more time to spend on romantic activities not to mention helps us not feel overwhelmed and exhausted so we actual feel romantic with our two extra hours!

I’m also going to have to state the obvious because it is eating me up. But how ignorant is it for a well-educated man to tell me, a working woman, that he knows better than me, my fellow working mommy friends, and my Working Mommy Manual readers because of his research? I’m not a monkey. I can actually speak for myself and fill you in on not only how I feel but on the very real discussions and feedback I get from real working mothers everyday. I live my research. I’m not a project or a study I am a real woman. And this real woman thinks a dad who mans up and is a partner in every aspect of the relationship – including housework – are sex on a stick sexy!

So ladies, if you have one of these real men at home, let’s prove the research wrong!

If you like my blog you’ll love my book. Buy The Working Mommy’s Manual on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Working-Mommys-Manual-Nicole-Corning/dp/0615637418/ref=cm_sw_em_r_dp_6ZRcqb0QFT7P8_tt